he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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