i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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