I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
