just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
