i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
