do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
