How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
