no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
pop tarts are not kleenex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
