i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
