I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
