how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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