I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ok first of all what the fuck
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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