I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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