we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
