Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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