I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
