Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
