My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
