She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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