My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
