you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
