is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
