this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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