went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
