if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
