Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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