my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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