Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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