I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
