I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
