Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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