Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
