We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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