im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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