is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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