A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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