I hate all girls vehemently.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
