i barfeds in our rink
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
