a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can I color on your dick again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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