Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
