There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
