I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
