That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
