so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
