He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
