I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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