Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
