I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
