It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
