why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
